Frequently Asked Questions

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Frequently Asked Questions about Left-Hander in London – The Earthquake

  • Is the show like your book? How much is the book?
    It is based on the book, with additional sarcasm, stories and music. The book is $20. If you want me to sign it so you can sell it when I get famous, it is, well, it’s still $20.

  • Why do you think you are qualified to do a show and help people Enjoy Diversity?
    When I was in college, one of my best friends told me that he was gay. I didn’t understand and didn’t know anything about gay people at that time. I reacted badly. I felt terrible that I had let my friend down at the time that he needed me the most. The next day, I apologized and asked for a do-over. I did better the next time and we are still friends - 40 years later.

    I want to help people think about relationships, other people and diversity. I would like everyone to get along better and I think people enjoying the show and talking about these issues helps.

    Regarding my qualifications, I have been a consultant for over 30 years, so I am comfortable helping to address and resolve conflicts. I am comfortable being in front of groups. I played piano in church for 25 years so I have a little musical talent.
  • What tech and facility needs do you have for the show?
    I need a stage (or at least a space), an audience, a piano and any necessary amplification depending on the space. I have a keyboard, a music stand, mics and speakers, but if you can provide, I won’t need to carry all that stuff!

    I want an engaged audience, so please let people know that I would like them to participate and have a good time.

    How long have you been doing the show? I published my book on 11-11-11! I have been performing the show on and off since 2013. I did my first workshop performance in an Off-Broadway theater. Well, to be honest, it was a theater near a street called Broadway. In downtown Indianapolis!
  • What are your goals for doing the show and associated consulting?
    I people to become more comfortable – at least comfortable enough to work together and interact well in a civil society. The best way is through humor and music.

    I want to have fun helping people Enjoy Diversity.
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Frequently Asked Questions about JJ

  • How long have you been transgender?
    I have always been transgender, but I didn’t do anything publicly about it until ten years ago when I started my transition.

  • Have you had surgery? What do your genitals look like?
    Wondering about my private parts is weird. Why would anyone want to know? And please don’t think about my privates the rest of the night…

  • Are you married?
    I have been married for over 40 years to the same woman. We have three kids and four grandchildren. They call her Grandma and me Nonna.

  • How can you be married to a woman?
    We were married before I transitioned and we stayed married.

  • Are you attracted to men or women?
    I am married, so thanks, but no thanks!

  • Have you done any transgender recruiting?
    I spoke to a college group a few years ago and joked about recruiting new trans people. During the break, a young guy and young lady came up to me and he said, “About the recruiting – You got me!” I said, “Oh, crap!” When I asked him what was going on, he said that he was transgender and had only told his friend from the class. She was the first, and I was the second person to know! I’m pretty sure he realized that he was transgender long before he met me. It did get a free toaster from Central Command…

  • JJ, you remind me of Charlize Theron, so I would never even think that you are trans…. except that you wrote a book and talk about it in your show. What about transgender people that don’t “pass” very well - you know, like small men or large women? They don’t look like other women or men or don’t sound quite right.
    We might want to reconsider judging people based on how they look or sound. Should we only treat the pretty trans women or the manliest trans guys well? What about the people that aren’t trans?

  • What would you say if one of your kids said they were trans?
    I’d tell them not to do it. It is too hard and I would not want my kids to lose friends, have no money, get kicked out of church and so on. Obviously, if they were going to transition, I’d help them. The road doesn’t need to be as hard for them as it was for me.

  • You said that you caused an earthquake. Have you caused any more newsworthy events?
    Only a few – on a consulting trip to Michigan one February day, the weather was cold and rainy. If it got much colder, everything would turn to ice and I would have to cancel the trip. I barely made it, but somehow I got there safely. Before I went into my meeting in the morning, I prayed that God would give me a nice warm day so I could drive home. When I finished meeting with the client, (we got the job!) I went outside and God had answered my prayer. It was 60 degrees. In February. It turns out that if there are already three feet of snow on the ground and it is 60 degrees, ice isn’t your problem. Fog is. I could barely see ten feet in front of the car. There was a 250-car pileup on one of the freeways not far from where I was driving. I was thankful to make it home and felt bad for all those people that had wrecks. I’ll just advise to be careful what you ask for.

    When our granddaughter was baptized, I hadn’t been to church for a long time. Just say that the church and I weren’t getting along. The service was in an old inner-city church in Chicago. They had cameras all over the church. I wondered if it was for security, or maybe they wanted to monitor what I was doing and would pipe it right to the pope in the Vatican. I guess it was the Vatican, because the next day, the pope quit. First time in 750 years. Look it up. Was it because the pope was so frazzled because he saw me in church? You decide!
  • I heard that some radio host said that a scientific study discovered the part of the brain where religious beliefs are based and the “transgender crowd” is going to use wires and batteries to use the electric signals to suck God out of people’s brains. What the heck?
    Are there enough trans people to have a crowd? If you go to a transgender rally, there are ten people and they have to share the sign. We’d have to work really hard to get a crowd. On the other hand, Central Command did send every transgender person wires, batteries and instructions. We figure with the number of trans people on earth, and the number of non-trans people whose brains would need to be emptied, we should have the job done by the year 2258. You are probably safe. For now. No one has figured out what to do with God once we suck him (or her) out of everyone’s brains.

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Frequently Asked Questions about transgender and other LGBT people

  • Can you catch the trans?
    You can’t catch it. Probably. I’m almost positive you can’t. However, it is possible that if I touch you on the shoulder or shake your hand…

  • Am I in danger if I am in the bathroom with a transgender person?
    Only if he or she has had a very spicy dinner.

  • What about kids in the bathroom? Are they in danger from trans people?
    I have taken grandkids into the bathroom. I had to help them get their pants off and on, made sure they cleaned up and I had to hold them over the sink so they could wash. I don’t think they were in danger. I on the other hand…

  • Some transgender children transition early in life. What if they make a mistake?
    There are a few people that change their minds or go back after they transition. Most that I know are happy when they transition. I am. Everyone, young and old has so many experienced resources to help – doctors, therapists, social workers and so on, that they have a better chance to make good decisions than even a few years ago.

  • I am still worried about same sex marriage. You were the President of the Gay Chamber. What has been the effect now that gays and lesbians can marry whom they choose?
    Mostly, wedding celebrants, caterers and other wedding related people have gotten more business. The zombies we expected to run amok never showed. Here is what happens when a gay couple moves into your neighborhood:

    • Eventually, people meet the gays and accidentally, someone ends up at brunch. Then the straight people realize that brunch is fun and they can no longer remember what they were concerned about with the gays moving in…

    • Property values go up because their house and yard look so good, so everyone tries to fix up their places so they won’t look bad compared with the gays.

    • They fix up the house and plant a garden. A big garden. You now have one house on the street with a million renovations and the gardens of Babylon compared to everyone else.

Still Have Questions? Contact JJ Marie Gufreda